The tide will turn.

    25刀的门票，赢了瓶冰酒回来，开心啊，从来都没有我中奖的时候，这次走运了！美好的夜晚呀！

          I admit that im not working hard this semester, but I can't get two 70s in a roll. Im down and panic right not. It isn't right. I need to talk. Also, its in less than one month that the semester ends. I am not ending up with 70s.

         心里不舒服，接连的受打击。想起朋友的一句话，顺其自然。我以后安慰人肯定不说这句话，但是事实就是顺其自然吧。怕失落，所以做事情就是凭侥幸，也不努力，对自己也没期望高过。可是，这次就全力以赴吧，哪怕要经历到如在地狱般煎熬的心情，这次也是值得的。把不现实的都击碎了，就剩下现实了，面对现实要称早。

      第一个阶段5周的grammar teaching很快就过去了。内容间的过渡满重要，否则有点尴尬。 没有准备好了的说法，只有准备充足再充足。活动自然重要，但是永远记住，学生的时间是最宝贵的，活动和内容是融合一体的。提高质量，也是自己的价值所在。 

      不要胡思乱想太多了，谋事在人，成事在天。我从未强求过的事情总是自然的就成功了，但是我写在进程表上的却重来不按我的意愿。我对deadline和既定的有压迫的事情总是很潜意识的抗拒，尽管是我自己定下的计划。所以我就是把最重要的事情放到最后做，或是看着机会溜走。

      第二阶段要教口语，紧张，需要更多的准备。

      portfolio的事情就会着手办了。

Upon the request, i need to do journals about my teaching. It can't be lost if i write them here.

Week #1 Observation (nervous and had to be sit there quietly. Always pondering what i should do instead of sitting still)

Week #2 taught for 20 mins each day.

              1. didn't give clear instructions. 2. I got panic whenever they kept silence, but i had to deal with it because they needed time to do their exercise. 3. Deliver all my instructions once and cirticulate and give individual focus. 4. Explain common questions and write them down on board when necessary. 5. Watch the time!

Week #3

Wednesday:not nice flow. i forgot what i needed to say. didn't write down clearly what they got from the class. i was puzzling them. Held them one more minute longer. need to know their background. make it simple and clear.

Thursday: (I have to say the students are super!) well-prepared though I still need to work on how i delivery my explanation effectively and make it neat. though i wrote down my points on the board, students still took them wrong. so clarify my points more clear. Ask good questions! Eye contact and take care fo the whole class, don't forget anyone. Learn elicitation skills and give good feedback.

Week #4 Feb 6&7

Wednesday: pretty dry tody. Useful web link: www.eslbase.com

Week #5 Feb 13 &14. being lazy. Should never trust my memory again. Can't recall what i taught and what happened. Having difficuity wrting incident report.

Reading week #6

Week #7 Feb 27 &28

Feb 27 (Manners)

Week #8 Mar 5 & 6

Mar. 5 First observation of Prep Speaking class. Learned  a lot of names of fruits. A lot of Mexican students in this class. Need to know sth about the country.

Mar. 6

    一个月恍恍惚惚就过去了，上了2周的课，没有感觉。可能刚开学都是意识不到有什么可做的。可是图书馆倒是很多人，我很奇怪。想起了上学期自己有多么的认真，没有心思去安排什么活动。这学期就是比上学期少了2门课，可我放松的程度让自己也警惕起来。喝了2杯咖啡后，思维兴奋地无法让我静下来看书，跳跃得很，只好决定回家吃饭。提神，却不凝神，着我倒没想到。

    在公车上，不禁自责，自己从来都没有按照自己制定的时间表做过事情，到不如就纪录自己都做过什么吧。看计划表上自己没做过的事情，到不如写上自己做过的事情。晚上6：00前都会在家里，纪录开始：

    2：30-3：00 吃饭  3：00-3：40 看别人的博客，写自己的博客   3：40-4：00 喝凉巧克力奶，很冷，决定洗澡  5:00- 5：50  学习

    6:00-7:00 剑击课 

    考完试后5天里，大家都跑掉了，我经历了有史以来我最无聊的恐慌的假期：找不到人影了。除了自己到处逛逛，我就待在家里了，平衡的是家里还有个比我更活得无聊的宅男，不过人家也有hockey看。不过五天后，悠长假期开始有意思起来了，因为大家都跑回来了。开始逛街，聚餐，聚餐，逛街。看电影看到凌晨。放松，放松。。。这个假期才过了一周，感觉像三周那么久。说起家里的那位男同学，我有些不赞同西方的家庭观了。作为成人，离开家里也许是对的，可是家长就放任他们自己解决一切问题好像又太残酷。着位男同学睡沙发或是地铺，却买个大大的LTD电视看，我原以为他买不起床呢！地下室的洗衣房就相当于他的衣柜了。他们成年就意味着不再有管束了。国内就不一样了，父母总是希望你回到家里，住的不要远，希望知道你在做什么，不赞同的地方一定要管。是很烦，但没什么不好的，老人家总是智慧的。

    假期还在继续，除了晚上睡不着，一切都很好。

    今天是xmas eve, 在君家里吃饭，手艺跟Emma一样好。学了两样菜，要实践下。

   

there is a whole chapter about personality matters in language acqusition. Personality, hard to say what it is, but it is there and affects my life.  It influences the way i work by myself and with people. I overly trust people and depend on them without realizing myself; I distrust other people ridicoulously by ending up shouldering unnecessarily parts, upset people and fail finally. either way, I become the weak link of a team and i am not feeling good right now.

 

Anyway, I will be not. I've lost  me for a long time and I didn't see beauty in my life and  elsewhere.   No more sadness this season.

 

It is the end of the year 2007. Christmas is coming and christmas songs are all over the place. Listening to the joyous songs, i am self monitoring myself. haha, ironic, funny, my life's been sarcasm.